At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
