Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
