my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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