i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
