the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
