I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
