Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
