If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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