pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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