I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
vagina is talking i cant
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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