There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
