So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
