I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
