I think i peed on brittanys purse
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
