peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
