Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
