so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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