Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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