My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
FUCK WHALES
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
