is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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