DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
