Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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