How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
