Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
