That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
