i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
