i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
