the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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