Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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