Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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