Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
