I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize