Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
