I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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