This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
