walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
