these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
