His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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