I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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