I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
