I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize