That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
