we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
