LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
