imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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