Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
