You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
