I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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