I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
