i don't like sucking hair
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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