He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
