I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
