Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
