OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize