Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
