His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
