Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
