I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
