Tell her she can't have a vagina
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
