He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
