I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
