I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
