I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
