Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
