Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
